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It's time to break the pattern
There’s no way around this, I must go through it. Where do I begin?
It’s difficult to explain the feeling, because as I’ve said before, it’s not like I’m sad or depressed. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m feeling incredibly grateful and full. My family is such a blessing. I get to live my life the exact way I want to. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and more … so what is this angst?
I first started realizing it when Jules and the little man were in Massachusetts. Being alone in the house is nice for a day or two, but it quickly gets boring and old.
While I was home, I did what I always do, I focused on work.
I love my work. I love making progress, getting better, and challenging myself. However, while Jules was away, I felt a big difference in my fulfilment. No matter what I worked on, or what accomplishments I achieved while she was gone, the feeling of excitement was so short lived.
I’ve thought about it for a month.
Am I losing my passion for my businesses? Am I getting old and tired? Am I losing steam?
It took me a bit of self analyzing, but then I finally figured it out. My problem right now is that I am spending way too much time alone.
While Jules was in Mass, I felt so isolated. I realized that the only people I ever hang out with are my wife and my son. I’ve made a few close relationships in Nashville, like my friend Jacob and my neighbors, but there is no one I can call up and say “hey I’m coming over.”
Friends help you think about things other than yourself. For the last year, my entire thought process has been revolving around me. I am all I think about, and I hate it.
I’m not trying to beat myself up or make it seems like there is a huge problem to solve. The fact is that we have a second baby coming any moment, and we made the conscious decision to buckle down the last 3 months so Jules could get through this accelerated class she was in. I know I was going to be in focus mode, so none of this is coming as a surprise.
What I am saying is that it’s time to make a change. I need to break out of this daily routine. I am in a pattern, and I need to break the pattern.
The first step in solving any problem is admitting that there is a problem. So that’s what I’m doing.
Today is a new day.